Funny Words of Wisdom

Here is our list of funny words of wisdom.  They might not make you wise but they just might make you smile.

  • Second place is first loser.
  • A turtle off the road is a turtle with a future.
  • A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
  • Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more.
  • When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
  • Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
  • The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
  • The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Be true to your teeth and they won’t be false to you.
  • Always remember that you are totally unique. Just like everyone else.
  • When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
  • Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  • Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • Every time we open our mouths, people can look into our minds.
  • What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.
  • Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
  • Don’t be so open minded your brains fall out!
  • Live like you golf. Don’t forget to follow through.
  • I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.

If you have any funny words of wisdom, fell free to share them in the comments.

Leave a Comment