Funny Words of Wisdom

Here is our list of funny words of wisdom.  They might not make you wise but they just might make you smile.

  • Second place is first loser.
  • A turtle off the road is a turtle with a future.
  • A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
  • Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more.
  • When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
  • Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
  • The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
  • The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Be true to your teeth and they won’t be false to you.
  • Always remember that you are totally unique. Just like everyone else.
  • When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
  • Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  • Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • Every time we open our mouths, people can look into our minds.
  • What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.
  • Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
  • Don’t be so open minded your brains fall out!
  • Live like you golf. Don’t forget to follow through.
  • I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.

If you have any funny words of wisdom, fell free to share them in the comments.

2 thoughts to “Funny Words of Wisdom”

  1. Completely the wrong way to think about forgiveness… Forgive for ones self and for peace of mind… Forgiving to irritate is not true forgiveness… it is simply revenge… By putting forwards compassion and understanding towards your enemy and trying to understand why they act like they do… you will no longer have enemies.

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